Tony’s and having an attitude today.

 I think I woke up with my bitch switch on. I very irritated today for no real reason. Like, let’s drive in font of Hannah at TWO MILES AN HOUR right in the middle of the street. Yeah. HOW ABOUT NOT. it was probably because I had to go to WalMart today, and THEY DIDN’T EVEN HAVE WHAT I WENT IN THERE FOR. But whatever. I’m just in a really pissy mood. But, I got one more of my Amazon books…maybe that’ll help. 

Last night was the Tony’s!! Only one of so award shows I wait ALL YEAR FOR. here are my thoughts. Not really thoughts, but things of note. 
I was gonna do a whole post on it, but that’s basically it. I did cry during the Cinderella part and at Patina Miller’s PERFECT speech and dress and her adorable personality. And the guy that won best actor for Kinky Boots had a great speech too. 
Also, I think I’ll go back to my old practice of not eating in front of people…because 1) it saves money to not eat out and 2) I don’t like people seeing how much I actually eat. Guys can eat a crap-ton of food and brag about it because their metabolisms allow it. But when a girl my size eats like that, it’s like “oh…that’s why you’re that big”. So people don’t need to see that. At least until I can permanently cut down the amount of food I consume (which I’m working on, but it’s a process). I’m so tired of feeling the way I do; if I thought I could be anorexic, god I would. But I do love food too much for that. So instead I have to settle for exercise and changing my food habits (I refuse to say diet because that’s depressing). 
I think that’s another reason I’m pissy. I’m discouraged that I’m not seeing much of a difference as quickly as I would like to. But it doesn’t really matter…it’s not like I’m seeing people very often. I go To work and home. That’s it. If I were seeing friends every day this summer I would care a lot more, because I feel the need to impress them for some reason. Just craving acceptance, I guess, and being “the fat one” of the group doesn’t make me feel as much a part. That sounds really dark and depressing, I know. But that’s what I feel like, and this is my blog and I can say what I want. 

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