Ellen Hopkins–Author "Review"

Christmas in September came with the Friends of the Library Book Sale two weeks ago. I bought quite a few books that I’ve already read, but never owned, and a few that just looked interesting. I judge books by their covers.

One book I judged was Burned by Ellen Hopkins.  I had never heard of the author, even though as I was reading it, a ton of people on my friends list raved about her books. That never happens! I’m never NOT in the know about an author everyone else has heard of. It was kind of nice for once. 
As I read it (it took all of a day), I discovered there was a sequel that had come out the week before. Talk about perfect timing! Got Smoke, read it in a day. Sitting at Yoga Bean while Jaelen and Trevor cried over engineer stuff, I cried over this book. So I went to Hester’s and saw she had two other Hopkins books, Tricks, and Identical. I snatched those up. I just finished those in the last day or two. 
Ellen Hopkins is a fabulous story writer. She’s a fabulous poet. She really seems to understand what young adults go through in their minds and actions.  What I love about her is that she doesn’t write happy stories. Pretty much all the books I’ve read in the last two months have been depressing as hell, and that’s all I have in my to-read pile. But Hopkins writes about REAL things. Real, tough topics, but it’s another part of life. The word I use to describe her works is: insightful. 
 I know nothing about selling my body to get somewhere like in Tricks. I don’t know about being molested or abused by my father. I don’t know about stifling religion. But I know it’s something that is out there, and people my age and younger have to deal with. It hurts to read, and reminds me how blessed I am to never have to be put through any of that. 
I’m excited to eventually buy her other books and read them, but for now I have too many others on my shelf to start before I can think of buying anything else!!

In Limbo

If you are my Facebook friend or Twitter follower (sorry if you are), you are at least somewhat aware that I have been struggling when it comes to school this semester.  There’s no question, and never has been, that I don’t want to be at Texas Tech. It’s a great school, but I have never in my life wanted to be there, and still don’t. That’s why I’m taking only one class this semester.  TTU is a place of limbo.

Tech is too big. Too impersonal. There’s a sea of people who don’t give a crap about if they run you over on their bike/longboard/car. They smoke walking to class, leaving you to walk through a cloud of smoke. I hate smokers. Take your lung cancer elsewhere, please. It takes me 30 minutes to walk from where I park to my class, and back again after an hour of lecture.

Now, I love my class. When it comes to Public Relations, I know it IS something I would like to pursue as a possible future. Still, I have no desire to spend time in school. I’d rather work, stop living in limbo like I am. College is supposed to be the best years of your life, and I wouldn’t consider them that at all. Sure I had good times in Abilene, but enough to go back? I don’t know. At this point, I’m unsure if I will find a school to go to next fall. Where will I go?

I haven’t planned for next semester. My plan is the DCP. If that doesn’t work out, then I’m taking a semester off. It’s too much pressure to find something this short notice. In the meantime, I’ve been researching other universities with PR as a major (which is actually less than I thought), that aren’t GIANT schools. I found the University of Tampa, which I have shown some interest in. Just putting a foot in the door. There won’t be any trouble deciding I’m not interested later on.

All I really want is to be married. I want to find a boy, fall in love, and get married. I do want to have the option of working. But if I could find something I like doing, either full time or part time, and not have to worry about having a degree, and just do it because I like it, not because I HAVE to, that would be awesome. I’m not lazy. Not really. I want to have a job. I like having two jobs right now. I just want to get on with the next part of life.

And that’s a whole other RANT that I won’t even get into without sounding thirsty and needy and whiney.

ShayTober is Coming!

I was trying to post this as a Facebook status, but it got too wordy, so I decided I would just blog it, and post the link. Easier.

Tuesday, October 1st, is the beginning of ShayTober. Like the 5 Week Challenge early in the summer, ShayCarl, along with other YouTubers, is going to be doing a month of motivation and fitness. I’m so excited for this, because I’ve been in a slump the past few weeks when it comes to working out and health in general. I’ve needed motivation, and I haven’t made it a priority. ShayTober is coming at such a perfect time for me to re-evaluate my goals.

Like the 5 Week Challenge, I hope to post frequent videos marking my struggles and my progress. On the 1st, I will post an “intro” video, full of goals, as well as what I expect of myself on a day-to-day basis.

I encourage my Facebook friends to join me. Even if you don’t have anything to do with the YouTube part, I would love to have someone to encourage, and be encouraged by. If I learned anything from the 5 Week Challenge (from here on out I will refer to it as 5WC), it was that having a community of people on the same journey is probably the most important asset you can have. I’ve met some really amazing people from around the country, and around the world, who all share a common goal. We may get there different ways, but we’ll get there if we stick to it. So I want to be a source of encouragement to my Lubbock friends, Abilene friends, YouTube friends, whatever.

Let’s get back on track in October!!

Waiting

With every check of my dashboard and email, my heart hurts more and more. From being accepted or not. Either way it’s because it still says “in progress”. 
But with each acceptance, I’m more and more excited. 
With each rejection, I remember that this is real. I know just how badly I want this–how badly I NEED this. 
Thinking about it, my hands are shaking. I want to cry. Just because of nerves. Of not being in control and not knowing. 
No matter what happens, I’ll cry the same amount. 
I might cry tonight. I just want to be there. I need to be there. 
I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me…

The waiting game

I’m at the point where I need to cry. 

Not because I’m upset or discouraged, but I just have so much that could happen in the next few weeks–and I can’t control any of it. 
Any time between now and three weeks in the future I could get a response from the DCP. If I get an answer this week, most likely it isn’t a happy one. Next week and the weeks after it gets more hopeful, though there is still that chance. 
I am not thinking negatively about it, and I continue to put out positive thoughts and words towards it. I really do feel good about my interview. The problem isn’t thinking badly about it, but thinking about a backup plan. 
I don’t want a backup plan. I think a backup plan makes it sound like I don’t have enough faith, trust, and pixie dust to believe I’ll get in. I DO. but there is always a chance that this semester isn’t my semester. Then what will I do? I’m counting on the next two semesters to figure out what I want to do about school. What happens if I only have one semester to decide? 
There are decisions I have to make that all depend on that decision in Florida. What I do at my next hair appointment, wanting another tattoo, even wondering If I need a giant CD case to put all my movies in. Dumb things, but they ride on what happens in the next three weeks. 
This waiting game is hard. It’s kind of the biggest thing in my life right now. And I’m just anxious to see how it turns out…I want this more than anything. 

Three Things.

I have a lot of things to say. Bear with me.

First off: Tumblr. I don’t understand Tumblr. At least I don’t understand how to use it. I GET the people of Tumblr, but the whole process of posting and reblogging things and the layout of your page just confuses the crap out of me. I have attempted Tumbling probably 5 separate times, and each time I leave frustrated. I’ll stick with Pinterest for my funny photos, and Blogger for my thoughts, and FanFiction.net for fanfics. Tumblr is my go-to place for gif reactions, but I don’t actually post much on it.

There is my Tumblr rant. I feel like an old person who doesn’t get how to text. But whatever. I can be a fangirl of things without Tumblr.

Second: YouTube. I really want to do better with my YouTube channels. Since I am going to school only part-time, I would like to increase my content on YouTube, just by better planning of my videos. And not saying “aaaaand” or “so yeah” after every thought. Practice makes perfect.

Third and most important: I have a phone interview for the DCP. Um, HOLY CRAP. I don’t even have anything to say about this other than that. Even though it’s the BIGGEST thing to happen in my life, I still can’t really believe it. I’m still in shock that I made it farther than when I last applied. My interview is Monday afternoon, and I need to be looking at interview questions and think about how I would answer them.

This is so important to me, maybe more important than anything has ever been. But, if I don’t make it, I will try again next semester. I have great hope that I will make it, because once they hear my passion over the phone, I can’t imagine not working out. But I’m not nervous. I don’t think I should be. It’s a big deal, yes, but all I can do is be honest and think about my answers. There’s nothing much more I can do, so worrying won’t do any good. If anything, I’m extremely excited to talk on the phone with someone, because I will actually get to explain how Disney makes me feel, as well as why I BELONG in the DCP.

So, if you think about me on Monday, send me some positive thoughts. 🙂

Live màs

Where have I been??

I haven’t written in two weeks. Why? Lots of reasons. Mainly emotional ones. Yes, I went back to old times at the start of school. But I’m getting better because of quick decision-making. 

Let me start by explaining why I was at Texas Tech in the first place. When I decided that I didn’t want to continue at HSU, it was the middle of March. Deadlines were closing in, and I had to apply SOMEWHERE, and I didn’t really have time to make a healthy decision. Even as I was filling out the application, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I grew up saying I never wanted to go to Tech, and I knew I didn’t want to go there this year either. 
 Why could I not have applied at LCU? Or even SPC for a semester? For LCU, I didn’t want to go to chapel or take another 6 hours of Bible. I had already done it at HSU, and it was fine. But I wanted to come home and save money, which I wouldn’t have done at LCU. And I’m not a religious person, and don’t have a desire to take even more preachy Bible classes. I got that with Dr. Wiliford last semester. 
Even if I had chosen SPC, I would still have to transfer AGAIN after I got core classes done. Is only a two-year college anyway. And it’s so far away, I didn’t want to spend the gas driving all the way to Levelland. Driving to Tech across town is far enough. 
So, TTU it was. I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it. But I honestly wasn’t expecting to hate it like it did. Even on the first day I told my dad I wasn’t expecting it to be a horrible day. I wasn’t excited, but I wasn’t prepared for the worst. But I got the worst anyway. 
For the first three days of school, I cried the entire way to my classes. From where I park, it takes me 30 minutes to get to the building I need. On the way, I cross a bridge over the freeway, and every time I crossed I would look over the edge and wonder if the fall would actually kill me. I wanted so badly to climb over the barrier and jump because I hated being there so much. 
The classes themselves I had no problem with. Besides the sheer size of them. But the professors were nice and the courses seemed to be interesting (except political science. But that’s expected). 
On Wednesday I decided I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle a semester of that. So I dropped down to three hours until I can re-evaluate where I want to be. I’m sticking with my intro to Public Relations class, because I want to make sure it’s the field I want to go in (should I feel I need to return to school). 
Let me just say, I LOVE school. I love learning and being in a classroom. But not when I’m miserable in between. It’s entirely possible that I could continue school part-time, and do something else while finishing. Or, I could find out where I want to go and catch up with summer school and finish on time. Or, maybe I’ll get married and be a sexy housewife and bake dinner and sew things and make out with my husband all the time. I don’t know where I will be in five years. 
This isn’t to say that I don’t still want to work for Disney. I do. I want it so much I can hardly stand it. That’s why I may look into schools in/around Orlando. Keeping options open, I might do school online and work, or who knows what I will do. 
Obviously, I have zero answers. That’s what this semester is for. And I still plan on making it into the DCP next semester, so I have a year to REALLY decide where I want to be, and find those answers. Bt I do want to use this year to work, save, and learn on my own. Spanish is still a big interest, and I want to focus on it myself this semester. I want to be caught up on where I SHOULD be, and work towards becoming bilingual. I still have some workbooks to keep me fresh, as well as some novels and other reading material to practice with. 
So there’s a small life update. I really hope to have some other things to write about in the coming weeks about life progress and such. And hopefully DCP news!