I haven’t written in two weeks. Why? Lots of reasons. Mainly emotional ones. Yes, I went back to old times at the start of school. But I’m getting better because of quick decision-making.
Let me start by explaining why I was at Texas Tech in the first place. When I decided that I didn’t want to continue at HSU, it was the middle of March. Deadlines were closing in, and I had to apply SOMEWHERE, and I didn’t really have time to make a healthy decision. Even as I was filling out the application, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I grew up saying I never wanted to go to Tech, and I knew I didn’t want to go there this year either.
Why could I not have applied at LCU? Or even SPC for a semester? For LCU, I didn’t want to go to chapel or take another 6 hours of Bible. I had already done it at HSU, and it was fine. But I wanted to come home and save money, which I wouldn’t have done at LCU. And I’m not a religious person, and don’t have a desire to take even more preachy Bible classes. I got that with Dr. Wiliford last semester.
Even if I had chosen SPC, I would still have to transfer AGAIN after I got core classes done. Is only a two-year college anyway. And it’s so far away, I didn’t want to spend the gas driving all the way to Levelland. Driving to Tech across town is far enough.
So, TTU it was. I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it. But I honestly wasn’t expecting to hate it like it did. Even on the first day I told my dad I wasn’t expecting it to be a horrible day. I wasn’t excited, but I wasn’t prepared for the worst. But I got the worst anyway.
For the first three days of school, I cried the entire way to my classes. From where I park, it takes me 30 minutes to get to the building I need. On the way, I cross a bridge over the freeway, and every time I crossed I would look over the edge and wonder if the fall would actually kill me. I wanted so badly to climb over the barrier and jump because I hated being there so much.
The classes themselves I had no problem with. Besides the sheer size of them. But the professors were nice and the courses seemed to be interesting (except political science. But that’s expected).
On Wednesday I decided I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle a semester of that. So I dropped down to three hours until I can re-evaluate where I want to be. I’m sticking with my intro to Public Relations class, because I want to make sure it’s the field I want to go in (should I feel I need to return to school).
Let me just say, I LOVE school. I love learning and being in a classroom. But not when I’m miserable in between. It’s entirely possible that I could continue school part-time, and do something else while finishing. Or, I could find out where I want to go and catch up with summer school and finish on time. Or, maybe I’ll get married and be a sexy housewife and bake dinner and sew things and make out with my husband all the time. I don’t know where I will be in five years.
This isn’t to say that I don’t still want to work for Disney. I do. I want it so much I can hardly stand it. That’s why I may look into schools in/around Orlando. Keeping options open, I might do school online and work, or who knows what I will do.
Obviously, I have zero answers. That’s what this semester is for. And I still plan on making it into the DCP next semester, so I have a year to REALLY decide where I want to be, and find those answers. Bt I do want to use this year to work, save, and learn on my own. Spanish is still a big interest, and I want to focus on it myself this semester. I want to be caught up on where I SHOULD be, and work towards becoming bilingual. I still have some workbooks to keep me fresh, as well as some novels and other reading material to practice with.
So there’s a small life update. I really hope to have some other things to write about in the coming weeks about life progress and such. And hopefully DCP news!