I’m at the point where I need to cry.
Not because I’m upset or discouraged, but I just have so much that could happen in the next few weeks–and I can’t control any of it.
Any time between now and three weeks in the future I could get a response from the DCP. If I get an answer this week, most likely it isn’t a happy one. Next week and the weeks after it gets more hopeful, though there is still that chance.
I am not thinking negatively about it, and I continue to put out positive thoughts and words towards it. I really do feel good about my interview. The problem isn’t thinking badly about it, but thinking about a backup plan.
I don’t want a backup plan. I think a backup plan makes it sound like I don’t have enough faith, trust, and pixie dust to believe I’ll get in. I DO. but there is always a chance that this semester isn’t my semester. Then what will I do? I’m counting on the next two semesters to figure out what I want to do about school. What happens if I only have one semester to decide?
There are decisions I have to make that all depend on that decision in Florida. What I do at my next hair appointment, wanting another tattoo, even wondering If I need a giant CD case to put all my movies in. Dumb things, but they ride on what happens in the next three weeks.
This waiting game is hard. It’s kind of the biggest thing in my life right now. And I’m just anxious to see how it turns out…I want this more than anything.