Bad Tinder Date

This experience I’m going to share is so golden I can’t stop telling people about it and finally decided it just needed to go on my blog before I forget all the details through time. I hate dating so much, and situations like this reinforce that and why I am so lucky to not have every encounter end up as bad as this one did back in October.

Carter and I met on Tinder, as you do, and we began talking and texting. He seemed cool, had stretched ears and his septum pierced, and was really into tattoos. We talked about having annual passes to Busch Gardens and how we should go sometime. I love finding people who want to go to theme parks with me so I can have companionship, even if it doesn’t turn into anything romantic. Eventually we planned to go to a Disney park on Tuesday and if everything went well and we had good chemistry and liked each other, Wednesday we would go to Busch Gardens.

Well.

One night he wants to talk on the phone and eventually this dialogue happens:

Him- Are you bisexual?

Me- Nope. I’ve been asked that before, but I’m totally straight.

Him- Good.

Me- ….Okay? Why is that “good?”

Him- Because I like girls I’m with to be as straight as I am.

Me- Hm.

Him- I’ve just had really bad experiences with bisexual girls before. Bisexual people just seem to be a lot sluttier.

Me-  …..

Him- This one girl I was with was checking out another girl harder than I was and I didn’t like that.

Honestly, that conversation right there should have been a red flag. Along with the fact that he chews tobacco–excuse me, “Swedish Snus”–it really was a turn-off for anything romantic to happen. Still, at this point I’m still keeping an open mind for a theme park friend.

I like prefacing Tinder dates and hanging out with a no-pressure disclosure. I’m a big fan of approaching it as friends and seeing if there’s natural chemistry in person and see where it goes. Usually it goes pretty well, and even if it doesn’t, both parties seem chill about the mutual understanding. The same conversation had happened with Carter; I didn’t want there to be insane expectations, but we had been flirting through text to make it clear that there was at least a little bit of attraction there to see how an in-person situation went.

So Tuesday comes around. We had planned to meet at my place around 2:00 so I could drive us to Hollywood Studios and he wouldn’t have to pay for parking. I text him when I woke up that morning and heard nothing. Around 1 I text again and still hear nothing. At this point I’m pretty much not holding my breath about meeting up. Finally at 2 he texts me that he’s just finally woken up and will be at my place a little after 3. This annoyed me because I hate being kept waiting.  Again, at this point, with all the other red flags, it wasn’t a date so I didn’t get that worked up about it. I was still open to change my mind about him and give him a chance out of politeness though.

He finally shows up and I’m waiting outside my building. Just to be safe I didn’t want him to know all the details about where I lived, so I didn’t have him come to my door. Immediately I just know there’s no spark and there wouldn’t be one. Still, I want to be polite and have fun at the park.

We make lots of small talk in the car, but conversation doesn’t flow naturally like it has with other people. At the park he wants to grab food so we head that way before getting on our first ride. This portion of the “date” is pretty mild. Nothing crazy happens. We ride Toy Story Midway Mania then go wait for Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. I knew the guy checking our lapbars so we got to ride twice. After that we go to Tower of Terror and this is where the date goes downhill.

We stood in line for quite a while, and during that time so many uncomfortable things happened. First, he points to a couple and says, “Aww look, they’re holding hands,” as if he was trying to give me a hint that he wanted to follow suit. Secondly, my body language was completely against that. I kept my distance from him and kept my hands to myself; I stood on the opposite side of the queue from him so we couldn’t accidentally touch.  Third, I wouldn’t make eye contact with him. Through our labored conversation, my eyes stayed glued on Tower because I didn’t want to look him in the eye and give him the wrong idea. Fourth and finally in the queue, he comes to my side of the wall and leans against it so there’s no avoiding physical contact. This guy had to be blind to not notice how uninterested I was at this point.

We get onto the ride and before our seat belts are even on, his arm goes around me. Now, for anyone who has never experienced Tower of Terror, it is not a cuddle ride. I don’t want to be rude and shrug him off, so instead I wait for the ride to start moving. I was seated in the first seat in the row, so with every drop of the elevator I rammed my shoulder (and his hand) into the wall of the vehicle until he finally let me go. But it was after the ride that everything exploded.

Still in the unload area and approaching the gift shop, we have this exchange:

Carter: Do you wanna be gay and hold hands?

Me: Um…I…uh…no…?

Carter: Oh, do you not like holding hands?

Me: No, I do. I just didn’t like the way you asked.

Carter: I just meant, like, it’d be funny, it’d be silly to hold hands.

Me: “Gay” was not the word to use.

Carter: Would it have been better if I’d just asked?

Me: Yes. But I still don’t want to hold hands with you.

And then, the best of the best. The climax of this horrendous date occurs in the middle of Sunset Boulevard.

Carter: So what do you think? How’s our chemistry? Do we have any?

Me: No, I don’t think so; not like that. I’m sorry.

Carter: But we haven’t even kissed yet.

Me: Yeah…No…I’m sorry. But I still want to enjoy time in the park if you want. Do you want to stay here and do another ride, or would you be more comfortable going home?

Carter: Whatever. I don’t care. Whatever you want to do.

As soon as I told him I didn’t feel the chemistry, he paled and looked like I had punched him in the stomach. I handled the situation delicately because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but they got hurt anyway. I felt so bad about rejecting him, but I didn’t want to make the day any more awkward than it already was just because I didn’t want to kiss him.

We still had another Fastpass for Star Tours, but he started walking to the park exit. He’s has no idea where he’s going, he just doesn’t want to walk with me. This is the point where I realize I still have a twenty-minute drive back to his car with him. Now he’s ten feet ahead of me and pissed. For a little while I was honestly concerned about being left alone with him in case he did something drastic. Because of this, I text my friend, Montreh, what was going on. Montreh was on her way over to my apartment to hang out with all of us, so she couldn’t wait to get there and watch this unfold.

On our way back to the car he finally breaks his silent treatment and says to me, “I think we put too much pressure on this whole ‘chemistry’ bullshit.” I apologized again and tried to cool things down until he continues with, “I just don’t get it. It wasn’t until I started online dating that I have so much trouble with girls. It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t see how you can text someone and talk on the phone and everything is great and then you get together and there’s nothing there? What is that?”

I respond calmly with, “That happens sometimes, though. I have plenty of regular friends who are strictly internet friends and when we hang out in real life it isn’t the same.”

“Would you still wanna hook up sometime?” he dared to ask me, which I declined immediately.

He continued to walk to my car so far ahead of me I almost had to jog to keep up. I managed to sneak a Snapchat of his storm-off and sent it to my roommates with the caption, “When you thought this was a date and got butthurt when you were told there’s no chemistry.” to warn them of the story I was going to tell later. The drive home was worrying me because I didn’t know what to expect. It ended up being alright; we made more small talk and things seemed to calm down on his end. I continued updating Montreh at red lights, knowing she was going to arrive about the same time as we would.

During the drive, he gets a phone call from his sister asking him to come spend time with her later in the day and he agreed. When we drove up to my apartment he gets off the phone after making his plans and says to me, “Unless you wanted to hang out more…” and I said (probably too quickly) “No! I mean, my friend is on their way over.”

“Oh, is it a guy? Not that it matters.”

“No? It’s a girl.”

I thought this would be the end of the day. But no. Then he asks if he can use my bathroom and I wanted to die. I couldn’t be rude and say no, no matter how badly I wanted to. I was still afraid of pissing him off and didn’t want him to know which apartment was mind, just in case he got angry later from being jilted. Still, I knew my roommates were home and hoped it would help.

We go in and he starts petting the dog, the last thing I want him to do; he doesn’t need to form emotional bonds. I point him to the bathroom and mouth to my roommates STORY TIME WHEN HE LEAVES. When he comes out I don’t even bother introducing him to my roommates, because he’ll never see them again anyway, but he takes care of that himself. Finally, after standing there awkwardly I say, “Well, our friend Montreh is about to be here so…” and he exclaims, “Hah! Montreh Cheddar!” and it’s obvious that he thinks he’s the funniest person in the world after making that joke. The apartment is silent. He says, “I bet she’s gotten that her whole life.” and I dryly respond, “No, I don’t think she has,” and open the door to hint that he needs to leave.

Outside the apartment, I apologize to him.

Carter: Sorry for what?

Me: …For the whole chemistry thing?

Carter: Oh yeah. Well, do you think maybe, someday,  in the future, there could be something?

Me: ….Yeah. Maybe?

Finally I get him to leave and the second the door closes I dive into the story. Not five minutes later, Montreh comes in screaming and sends me a Snapchat she took outside. The entire day was a whirlwind and it is by far one of the most hilarious situations I have ever found myself in. I don’t wish bad dates on anyone, but they sure make for good stories.

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