International Women’s Day

It’s amazing to realize how much you change as you grow up. I realize that’s part of coming into adulthood; the time between adolescence and adulthood is filled with so much drastic change it only makes sense. However, I can see a 95% difference in myself from how I was in my teenage years. Growing up in Bible Belt, Texas I obviously had a more conservative outlook on most things. I didn’t understand the LGBT+ community, I didn’t know any people of color, and I was ashamed of being a woman. 

Anyone that knew me back then versus now remembers the days where I was embarrassed to have breasts and hated going bra shopping. I had conditioned myself to look at my own body and demeanor with disdain because my femininity was wrong or dirty. Having boobs was sexy and sex is dirty and girls are supposed to have purity rings and not be aware of them being sexual beings. Or something like that. All of this was something I had made up or assumed; while my parents never mentioned anything about the birds and the bees to me or made me feel ashamed, somehow I still did. Really, many of these feelings followed me into college and down to Florida. It wasn’t until I began to see body positivity firsthand that I realized my femininity is something to be proud of. 

These days I can say without hesitation that I believe in true feminism. I believe in encouraging girls and women to love themselves as an A cup or a EEE, to love their curves and stretch marks and Fred Flinstone Feet. Women need to hear that makeup doesn’t make you beautiful, but if winged eyeliner and a killer cut-crease makes you feel empowered, then by all means go for it. It is entirely your opinion and choices that matter and not that of society. Show your stomach if you want to! Exposing some tasteful sideboob doesn’t make you a slut unless that’s how you would like to self-identify. True feminism advocates equality for men and women alike, realizing that men face just as many social pressures as women do. Opening my eyes to love myself as I am has made me a stronger woman and I want to encourage other people of all genders and identities to feel the same. 

On this International Women’s Day, I celebrate all women. This includes trans women, women of color, republican women, democrat women, immigrant women, women with disabilities, and every other type of women out there. So much of the mainstream society tries to pit women against each other by making everything a competition and putting them down. Telling me I’m not girly enough or not as thin as this woman is a way to break down my mind to conform to the bullshit. We all need to stand together as sisters and use our differences to make us stronger as a group to defend against that bullshit social norm. 

In the past, I’ve felt guilty for going to Starbucks and being perceived as a “basic white girl” or expressing my emotions and being called “dramatic and hysterical”.  Now I realize how silly that is and have chosen to embrace myself for who I am. If I can choose to be unapologetically me, then maybe I can inspire more of my brothers and sisters in the world. I’ve been brushed off when I talk about not wanting to have children, as if this makes me less of a woman. When I asked my gynecologist about a tubal litigation he told me I was too young to make a decision like that when I know in my heart that it’s not something I am going to change my mind on. I’m louder and more independent than most men are used to, and I’ve accepted that that is the reason I’m single; it will take a very special man to be able to handle me.  I talk openly about sex and zit popping videos and other “non-ladylike” topics and I’m proud of myself for having the freedom to vocalize my opinions and feelings. 

As a woman in the United States I realize how lucky I am. Compared to how women are viewed in other countries around the world, here in America we have so many rights to be thankful for. Not only am I lucky enough to be a woman in America, I’m also lucky enough to never have experienced a sexual assault when 1 in 6 American women have. While I am extremely fortunate to not have this history, I never want to take that for granted and forget the women who have suffered through harmful situations because of their gender. From the women in other countries fighting for education and jobs to the women around the world who have been assaulted or live in fear of assault (not to mention the women who have not survived these battles), I want to live to support them and not let them be forgotten. Because I am one of the lucky ones, I feel like it’s part of my duty to stand with victims and offer encouragement to my sisters to stay strong through whatever life throws at them. 

I’m grateful for the changes I’ve made since high school. I’m proud to be a woman, and I’m even prouder to be the strong and independent woman I am. Being raised to speak up for myself and encouraged to do anything I set my mind to, I’m using my voice to stand with my fellow women in their right to live the lives they want and not the ones expected of them. Liking Starbucks, not wanting children, listening to bubblegum pop music, wearing pink lipstick and getting your nails done, playing sports, being covered in tattoos and liking sex doesn’t make you more or less of a woman. It makes you you. The most important lesson I’ve learned as a woman is that mine is the only approval I need. I want to support women around the world in their own journeys and battles to achieve their rights and find their individual voices. 

Two Years

Tomorrow marks two years since checking into my Disney College Program. In two years I have “earned my ears” five times, learning two different roles, three attractions, and two systems. My time working at Walt Disney World has been contained to Magic Kingdom, with the exception of a few merchandise shifts picked up here and there. But for two years I have been statused to the most magical of all the parks at the WDW Resort. I’ve had a lot of great times here, and I’ve dealt with my share of heartache here as well. 

In those two years, I have loved what I do, but I have also struggled with coming to work. During my time here, half has been in a place I consider home away from home, while the rest has been less-than-desirable. I know I’m able to be an A+ Cast Member, because I’ve been that before. Currently, I feel as though I waver between being a C and a B- Cast Member at best. I’ve become the person who shows up to work and collects a check. 

I see nothing wrong with having that kind of job. A job is meant to support you and yours financially and it doesn’t have to be fun. But I’ve had jobs that I loved, and I’ve had that at Disney, and I believe that I still can. Recently, I’ve been in a major depression that has affected how I am at work and how I see my position with this company. For a while, it seemed as though I was going to be stuck here for the rest of my life–and that isn’t the way I wanted to think about a job with Disney. I thought because I came to Florida to work for Disney that it was the only career option I could ever have now. I have come to realize that, yes, Orlando did call me here. But it doesn’t mean I have to be stuck. Just making that connection with myself has made all the difference. 

With that, I’m making a change in my Disney career. I’m going to try to find my place here again, and I think going to a different park may be the best thing for me right now. Too many thing in Magic Kingdom remind me of the past and I think it’s prohibiting me from moving on. Not only am I going to try and find my place in a different park, I’ve also made the decision to allow myself to leave if I don’t find my place. I used to think I would be a failure if I quit Disney because that’s why I moved here. Now I know that is not the case. As long as I don’t leave on bad terms or get fired, I can always come back. I can come back front-line, or I could come back professionally once I finish school. All I know is I’m not tied to anything. 

I genuinely hope that I find home again. But I’ve made peace with myself to not feel so much pressure about it. All I want is to feel happy going to play at the parks for fun and to not hate my job. Life is too short to hate your job, especially when you work for Disney. 

In the meantime, I’m going to send in my college transcripts and work on a degree and see where that takes me. Life is so vast and at times scary, but I will never regret the experiences I have had in Orlando and I hope to have many more adventures here. So happy two-year anniversary to me, and here’s to whatever future time I spend here. 

  

Fa La La La La

Merry Christmas, everyone! I realize I’m getting this post out the day after Christmas, but with the work schedule I have this week, that’s to be expected. It’s not like I’m a famous blogger with a large following, expecting me to post every day. For my few friends and family members who read this, thank you. I hope your holiday season has gone and will continue to go smoothly and safely and happily.

I had a wonderful, albeit very untraditional Christmas. But I decided that because of the lifestyle I have, Untraditional is the new Traditional. Christmas for me is a time of severe planning and rearranging to make things work to spend time with the people I love. I’ve been having Christmas (and birthday) since November when Jay got my gift early and on a whim. As much as I say I want a Hallmark Christmas, working for Disney makes that hard.

Because of this, other Cast Members open their homes to try and make the holiday special for those who can’t spend it with their biological families. Some of my coworkers were invited by guests to spend Christmas with them. Roommates pull together to make our little family spend some time together, even if it’s in a rush. I tried really hard to make Jay’s and my first Christmas together special. My parents drove down from St. Augustine to spend Christmas Eve in a hotel to celebrate after I got off work. It’s still Christmas, just without the slowing down to spend it together.

For Jay and myself, our Christmas was the most spread out. We went in November to get my gift, and he’s still working on another one for me that isn’t ready yet. But for the actual holiday, we celebrated it on Tuesday. I came over after work and made dinner (chicken and dumplings–yum), then he opened his presents from me, and his dogs’ presents from Twix. The next morning Christmas continued and I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast. It wasn’t as fancy as my Dad usually does for special breakfasts, but it would do. Then we picked up and rolled out and went to see Star Wars. And that was our first Christmas.

Christmas Eve was spent working with my Bears. After work, I went to meet up with my family at a hotel near Disney Springs. We opened our stockings and begged to open presents before we left for dinner. We Facetimed my Papa, and called my Nana and our friend Sheila since we couldn’t be together for the holiday. We went to dinner at Saratoga Springs, and it was perfect weather to sit outside and eat. Of course, it wasn’t “winter,” but it was very pleasant. Upon going back to the hotel, Dad had picked out some fancy desserts to share, then we went to Disney Springs. I needed to stop by Starbucks on my way home, and my dad seems to enjoy walking through the insane crowds on Christmas Eve. It was a wonderful few hours spent with my family for the holidays.

I woke up at 5:30 on Christmas day. Not a creature was stirring, because Twix knows I don’t wake up that early and was very confused when I took her outside. Jay and I both worked at 7:15, so up we were, leaving the apartment a little after 6:00am. Splash Mountain was insane. First opening wasn’t any different than a normal day, but at 12:30 when we had a queue of 105 minutes and we suddenly had to dump it, that was completely insane. I didn’t know our queue could hold so many people.

Generally, I didn’t have really upset guests yesterday. I had a few that weren’t happy with the Fastpass+ system and thought it was “retarded” and “fucking ridiculous” but other than that, even with dumping our line, no guests got upset directly with or at me. Most of the people I interacted with were very kind. One little girl came up to me with a card and told me, “Thank you so much for working on Christmas.” We had a few crazy moments on Christmas, and I know some people had it worse than I did, but I actually enjoyed my time at The Mountain for once.

There were a few things I’m sad I missed doing. Mostly photos. I wanted a Christmas photo with my roommates, with my dog, with my boyfriend, with my family. I wanted to send out more cards and do more crafts and have more decorations. But for one of my first Christmases as an adult on my own, I’m pretty happy with how it all turned out.

This is Halloween

Does it ever just HIT you that you look like an adult? Like you wake up, everything is normal, and then as you’re brushing your teeth, you look in the mirror and think, “Oh my god. I have the face of an adult. When did that happen?” I don’t know what it is, but that happened to me yesterday.

Of course, I will NEVER feel like an adult. I’ll be 80 and still giggling over princess movies and Disney World. Still, yesterday was a reminder of inevitable adulthood. There are some things I’m definitely excited about when it comes to “growing up” but they’re things like being able to decorate for holidays the way I want to. Which will be childish, as opposed to the fancy-schmancy way my interior decorator dad does it. Maybe some day this, too, will change. But I’d rather die than completely grow up.

Never in my life have we celebrated Halloween. It was evil and we were going to Hell if we celebrated the pagan, satanic holiday. Sure, it is. But we don’t care anymore. We don’t skin cats or anything, so we should be okay. But I really enjoyed handing out candy last night, even for a little bit. I wish I had dressed up, but I just wore everyday clothes.

Obviously, I’m not ready to grow up.
Still. It just made me excited to have my own place, decorate it, and make as big a deal about holidays as I want. Christmas, too. I want my own christmas ornaments, my own carved pumpkins. I want to put things out for día de los muertos. It’ll be great. 
Can I please seasonally work Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party and give out candy? Pretty please? That would be the best.