Spiritual Awakening

I’ve always been interested in the supernatural or metaphysical. Even when I was young and living in a conservative Christian home, not allowed to watch The Wizard of Oz or Harry Potter, I still had a strong affinity for learning about magic, ghosts, and other things many people in our church and community saw as “demonic.” As I grew up, my family became less dependent on religious doctrine and we each went our separate ways spiritually. I’m very lucky to have had so many different resources and experiences through my parents’ discoveries because I’ve been given a great spiritual foundation from varying ideologies.

With that foundation, I’m beginning to seek out spirituality for myself. After high school and college, I gave religion a wide berth, not because I felt negatively towards it as a whole, but because I needed space to come to it on my own. I don’t like labels, especially on things like religion; they’re too limiting for such an unknown and strong energy. Even describing myself as “agnostic” didn’t sit well with me. It still doesn’t.

I’m forging my own path through different means. Currently I’m focusing on mediation and healing energy. Chakras, crystals, and candles, oh my! I’ve begun teaching myself to read tarot cards and hope to take a 6-week course on it next month. To learn the cards and their many meanings, I’m updating my Facebook page and sometimes my Insta daily with a tarot card that my deck chose for me that day. I really love it so far and appreciate the clarity it adds to a situation. Tarot isn’t meant to be “fortune telling” or reading the future; tarot is a reflection of yourself.

Similarly, I bought my very first crystal this week. At a a local metaphysical shop I was browsing through the many cases for a few specific ones as gifts. My intention was to buy for others on this trip and only get the tarot cards for myself. I came to the sunstone and saw the brief description on the card and it took my breath away. While it isn’t the most beautiful or most versatile, it certainly is the most important crystal I could have chosen as my first. Instead of putting it in my “shopping cauldron” like my other purchases, I felt drawn to holding it in my hand while shopping, and continued to do so once I got into my car as well. It immediately warmed in my hand and I could feel its energy vibrating through me while I held it. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

I have a lot of things I want to learn. I want to educate myself and share my knowledge with those who want to hear it. Maybe that gets done through healing, readings, or charms; maybe my new positive energy will strengthen others to seek out a deeper spiritual awakening of their own. Nonetheless, I want to research and read and try everything to see what works best for me.

Will any of this last? I hope so. I want it to. It doesn’t feel like church revival “warm fuzzies” that fade. This feels like a transformation in my deepest soul. I don’t feel this transformation only spiritually; I feel it emotionally and physically. I feel lighter as I’ve been practicing mindfulness in the past week, taking care of myself and ridding my life of negativity. I’m focusing on the positive energy and not allowing the negative to come close to me. I’m speaking blessings and focusing on the good in myself and in others. I’m becoming mindful of the way I sit, the food I eat, and the amount of wastefulness I’m trying to reduce.

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This our blog party, we can say what we want—Religion

I’ve had this written for a month and I still don’t know if I really want to post it or not  I don’t want to because for anyone who reads it, they’ll probably get very upset at me and I would like to keep some friends in my life. I WANT to post it because it’s how I feel. And this is my blog and I can say what I want. But I know it’s a touchy subject,  and I REALLY don’t meant to offend anyone who should read this, even if it comes across badly. So disclaimer. 
How do you respond to people asking you about God when you don’t necessarily consider yourself religious? What do you say to the question “has God shown you direction? What does He say about it?” What is the correct way to avoid it to not hurt the person asking, but keeps you out of an awkward situation? Is it okay to tell someone “I’ll be thinking about you” when they’re going through something instead of “I’ll pray for you”? At least telling someone they’ll be in your thoughts is truthful. 
Which is better? Flattering someone’s religious ego, or truthfully speaking to their heart? For some people, that’s the same thing. I feel like some people want to HEAR religious words; like it Will make the idea stronger. But if prayer isn’t sincere, and keeping them in your mind IS, should it matter if its spiritual or not?
If someone offers to pray for me, I’m not going to refuse it, because that’s their way of showing they care. But I have a problem when they expect the EXACT same from me. We all have different kinds of encouragement. 
I think it’s hard for people to understand when I’ve grown up in church, Bible studies, Christian schools, etc. but I think those things are part of the reason I feel the way I do about religion. 
Not to say that church is bad or Christian schools are bad. But some of the people I have met in these places aren’t, what I would consider, “great people.” I can’t stand when people act one way, but spend their summers on mission trips, just to return to their normal lives where they don’t hold up the morals one would think. I know too many of these people, and want to know what people who have NEVER been to church would think of this. 
I also know plenty of people who DO hold their same morals and standards through EVERY aspect of their lives. These people DO exist, but it doesn’t make up for the other kind of Christians that I see on my Facebook. 
Even if I were religious, I’m not evangelical. I am not one who wants to go on mission trips and preach on the corner or lead people through ways like that. If I were to “convert” anyone, I would want it to be because they saw how I acted and it was a good influence on them. I don’t want to SCARE people into believing in joining the first baptist church because they’ll go to Hell if they don’t. So much of what “church mission trips” seem to be is the warm fuzzies of “we saved 200,000 people today” when, unless you plant churches to CONTINUE those people’s growth, nothing for them will really change. So for the people who go and constantly leave people there to aid them, I think that’s great. If you have a passion and calling for it, go for that. But I hate when it’s expected of “Christians” to HAVE to evangelize when not everyone is called to do that. You can do just as much being a light, silently, if that’s more your style. 
Another reason “religion” has been difficult for me to accept is the arguments that take place surrounding the Bible. NO ONE will ever interpret things the same way, but every person thinks they’re the only correct view. I don’t like to argue, and I don’t like seeing arguments. So to be in an environment where your ideas and beliefs could be shot down–NO THANKS. 
It isn’t that I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in the Big Bang. But I also don’t think I believe the world is only a few thousand years old. After some brief Wikipedia research, I’m almost leaning towards the “Ietsism” belief of “it FEELS like there’s something more…” But without having to call it this God or that. It sounds like a cop-out, but it’s not. In looking online, theism sounded a bit like what I’m feeling, except most theists reject any religious text…and I don’t know if I do. But on the other hand, I would accept other religious texts that normal Christians wouldn’t. I think there IS something like a God, or whatever people want to accept. But I don’t think there is an Alla and a God and a whatever other religions have. I think there is probably ONE and Islam and Christianity just have interpreted the same idea differently. THAT’S going to make people upset that I just said a Christian worships the same god as a Muslim or Hindu or tipi-living, buffalo hunting Native American. Even religions that are polytheistic, I think have the same “god” as anyone else. If “God” is karma or the cosmos or whatever some may believe, if there IS anything, I think it’s all the same. 
I love the line from Macklemore’s “Same Love” that say “whatever God you believe in, we come from the same one.” That’s exactly how I feel about it. That if there is a single entity, it’s the only one. Whether you’re Christian or Hindu or whatever, the same “God” or entity or what have you created everyone. Religion is just each interpretation of the same thing.  
So I’m deeply sorry if I offended you, lone reader. But this is just my sole opinion. I hope you have your OWN thoughts, not just about religion, but about life. I want you to think for yourself on ALL matters. That’s what I’ve done, and that’s the reason I wrote this.