Purpose

I wrote this for one of my classes, but I think it’s important and I would like to share it here. Maybe it will motivate someone into creating their own goals.

What is my purpose?  Why am I here?  What good can I do? These are very common questions people ask themselves, especially in early adulthood.  For their entire lives everything has been done for them, or maybe there have been expectations places upon them from parents or other adults.  As they themselves become adults, everything feels messy and scary; at least that’s how it has felt for me at times.  Some people are lucky and have known what their purpose is since they were very young; others may not know well into their forties and fifties.  Feeling like there’s no reason for you to be here can put someone in a dark place.  Finding your purpose can be enlightening and inspiring.  My purpose is to help others find themselves through communication to encourage them to make a better life for themselves.  I’ve only just begun my journey and have set clear goals to make the most of my life.  Personally, I want to change my lifestyle to a healthier one.  Academically, I want to complete my degree in communications, as well as become certified in life coaching, herbalism, and holistic healing.  Professionally, my goal is to work for myself, be able to travel the world and coach from wherever I please, and be financially comfortable enough to not stress about my bills.  Starting off small, my personal goal is simple, but will take a lot of will power to achieve.

I’m on the path to health.  My goal is maintain a healthy weight around 180 pounds, continue to train for faster half marathon times, and eventually embrace a vegan diet.  These things all take time mental and physical strength, but in the long run will make my life so much more pleasant and safe.  This goal is important to me, because I’ve always struggled with my weight and my relationship with food.  As a child, my parents had the same struggle and I watched them try every fad diet and program they could to lose the weight.  My grandparents have diabetes and other medical conditions that I refuse to get.  The only way to prevent these diseases is by changing my lifestyle now while I’m young.  This is also why I want to study holistic healing and herbalism.  I fully believe that everything we need to heal ourselves can be found in nature and I want the knowledge for myself.  I’ve been a vegetarian for almost a year now and it’s been easy for me.  I never thought about cutting out meat until this year, and it seemed like the natural answer for me and I’ve never looked back.  Someday, I would like to become a vegan and cut out animal products entirely.  This is a little more difficult, as most food products have milk or eggs or butter in them. However, cutting these things out and replacing them with plant-based items will be better for my health overall.  Still, the challenge will be putting more effort into my grocery shopping and ordering at restaurants, not to mention the willpower to give up “real” macaroni and cheese.  Two solutions to this and to my overall health goal obstacles will be meal prepping to prepare for an entire week’s worth of meals, and focusing on the bigger picture of keeping myself healthy in my mind and body.

My college education has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride.  After graduating high school in 2012, I attended university for two full semesters before moving back home and transferring to a different institution closer to home.  There, I worked two jobs and only took one class to be eligible for an internship.  After accepting my out-of-state internship with the Disney College Program, I put my education to the side until I discovered what I wanted to study and began working full time.  Now, almost four years later, I’m ready to complete my degree. My goal is to graduate from UCF in 2020 with a degree in Technical Communication and a minor in Mass Communication.  I also plan to take many certification courses through online institutions for Life Coaching, Herbalism, and other forms of holistic healing. I am very passionate about natural healing through essential oils, herbal remedies, and crystal healing.  Learning about energies is something that has become fascinating to me over the past few years, and I believe in its power wholeheartedly. While my ideal career is in coaching and writing, I want the knowledge that comes with healing to be able to offer extra help to my friends, family, and clients as necessary. A possible obstacle will be money.  Money is always an obstacle for most things to help you grow academically or professionally.  However, through scholarships and loans, I will be able to remedy this.  Finding the time to fill out scholarship applications and saving money by cutting out frivolous spending will also help me achieve this goal.

My ideas for what career I want to pursue have changed a lot through the years.  As a child, the first thing I wanted to be was a dolphin trainer at SeaWorld.  From there I wanted to be a veterinarian, then a Broadway actress.  As I grew up and began my college education, I went from an education major to public relations.  Now, I’m not too far off with communications.  My career goal is to become a certified life coach, helping people make and achieve their own goals, while making enough money to support myself and my family, and travel the world as I work.  I’ve always loved talking to people and to help them sort out decisions they need to make.  Life coaching take that idea, but instead of telling your friend what she should do, you give her the tools to discover for herself what she truly wants.  I think this is a powerful career that is very important to those on a journey. I want to be able to have enough clients that I can support myself financially, while still giving each client the individual attention he or she needs.  I want to live a debt-free life in a small home where I have the freedom to travel with my husband and dog, seeing the world and writing about my adventures.  An obstacle to overcome is my own personal self-doubt.  I’m afraid of how people will perceive me as I embark on this journey.  Two solutions are to meditate and get rid of those negative thoughts, and to possibly hire a life coach myself.  Both of these things will help guide me and get into the proper headspace as I grow and go along this path.

Goals are very important to make sure you’re making the most out of your life.  Having a purpose gives meaning to those goals and why you’ve set them in the first place.  For me, having goals like living my healthiest life, completing my degree and certifications, and having my dream job as a self-employed life coach all help each other.  My three goals all support my purpose statement, which is to help others find themselves through communication to encourage them to make a better life for themselves.  If I can’t meet my own goals, I have no right to help others make theirs and hold them accountable.  Achieving my goals means everything to me to make my life better, as well as the lives of those around me.  Attending Valencia College is a small part of what will get me to achieve my goals.  Without Valencia, I wouldn’t be able to complete my college credits and go on to UCF and graduate.

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February Goals

I’m very happy to announce that in January I completed 8/10 of my planned goals. Not only did I successfully do the 10 I set out to, I also made great progress in creating lasting habits for my health and well-being. It isn’t important which goals I did or did not meet, what matters most is that I was able to achieve more than I thought I would for the month. 

With that being said, I decided on my February goals. I have less on my list this month, and some are the same or slightly different, while some are new. Although I’m doing a lot of focusing on the short-term goals, I haven’t forgotten about the long term; many of my goals I set intentionally to get into the habit of doing it, so I can eventually turn around and utilize them for a longterm plan. An example would be more exercise: someday I want to comfortably complete a full marathon. I can’t do that without consistent running and training (and diet!!) every day. Another would be my writing: four blog posts a month at minimum gives me the practice and experience to someday get paid for writing.  “I want to learn everything I can, and write down everything I see. Golly says if I want to be a writer, I’d better start now…”

  • Publish 4 blog posts
  • Read 4 books
  • Work out 4 days a week
  • Put (and keep) money in savings
  • Continue to clean and de-clutter
  • No soda

I feel good. These may seem like more “to-do” list items, but they mean more than that to me. These goals mean working to become a better person, both physically and mentally. I want to learn, I want to feel stable, I want to feel strong. I’m so ready to be the best I can be. This month I also want to sit down and seriously begin to plan out my long-term life goals, and I’ll be sure to write about it when I know more myself. 

I Want My Own Family (A Post About Love, Loss, and Want)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be married. Ever since I was 7 years old, I’ve known how to take care of someone. When my mom was pregnant with my sister she taught me how to do laundry and take care of a home, and I’ve always loved cooking and can follow any recipe. I was ready to get married even before I had any romantic prospects, because I’ve felt inside that I want more than anything to be a wife. Just like those girls who know from birth that they’re meant to be mothers, I’m meant to be someone’s wife.

I’m very lucky to have grown up with two incredible parents who gave me a wonderful and positive example of married life. Their relationship isn’t perfect, but they worked with such great teamwork and partnership that I strive to be like that. I saw a lot of my parents in the relationship between Jay and I in the beginning. We had effortless chemistry, equality in our interactions, and strong communication. Not to mention undying devotion.

I dream heavily of living in a small home or apartment with the man I marry and a few dogs. To me, having a “house” isn’t important. Apartments are more quaint and less hassle anyway. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the feeling of being in a house when I would go visit Jay. I would very much like the “American Dream” white picket fence home. That’s a big dream that I would be eternally blessed to have. But Home is wherever the Love of my life is. I’ve been thinking about my future family since I was 14. I’ve had a board on Pinterest of “Meals I Will Cook For My Husband” for almost that long.

When I think of my own “family,” I don’t see children. I never have seen myself being a mother and I don’t think I ever will.  Having a family doesn’t have to include procreating. I admire the people who choose to be mothers. My best friend, for example, has had baby fever for as long as I’ve known her. I think that’s absolutely great. It isn’t the life I want for myself. So much so, that the thought of going through Tubal Litigation (having my tubes tied) has had a very serious presence in my mind when I think of the future. There are too many other opportunities to be a part of a child’s life without giving birth to them. I’ve joked about my dog being my child. But honestly that’s enough for me. To have a husband and a few dogs and live happily together is my ideal future.

While I am a strong, independent woman, I have the deepest desire to create a home and have a strong partnership with the man I love. Because of this, I love very hard. Apparently too hard. Coming across as “needy” is something I’ve always wanted to avoid, but my passion for spending time with the Love of My Life was taken the wrong way. Being in a relationship isn’t what defines my happiness, but if I learned anything through my almost-seven months with Jay, it was that I discovered a new form of happiness when I had another person in my life to care for.

Similar to that moment that mothers talk about, you’ve never known true happiness until you look into the eyes of someone you love. You can be a whole person before you meet that person, but being with them creates another part of you; they add to who you are. Being together feeds that piece you gave each other and it grows and grows with every moment you have as “Us.”

What hurts more than anything is when that piece stops growing. What happens next is even more painful: losing it forever. That part of you that grew with the love you shared is suddenly ripped from your very soul with no warning. You’re blindsided by the comments made both by you and the one you thought was The One. Things you never even wanted as fleeting thoughts are spouted out by you and your Love. The person you thought could never hurt you has done so much more than that–they tore out what the two of you had cultivated together.

The pain is enough to make you want to die. You feel like you’ve failed. All the reasons you have to blame yourself and the other person are boiling inside as you dry-heave in your bed through tears at the betrayal of the words that have been said. At this point you feel like you’re not complete, and you would be right. For so long you grew part of their soul in your heart and it added to the wholeness you had before you met them. With their love went that piece that made up “Us.” After your heart stops hurting, you are still whole. You’re just the kind of whole you were before you fell in love.

It feels like growing your hair out for a long time and then getting a drastic haircut. You’re used to the weight being there. You try to pull it back and there’s not enough there; you’re used to using way more shampoo than you actually need. You’ve had this style before, but it’s been so long you forgot what it was like. It doesn’t change anything, it just takes time.

Through this excruciating heartbreak of losing my first Love, I got a small taste of what it will be like to have my own family. For a short time, Jay, Fiona, and Watson were part of the family I have with Twix. I called Fi and Wats my “Stepdogs” and did the best I could to take care of Jay. Making dinner for the two of us felt so right. Feeling him breathing beside me at night and rubbing his back until he fell asleep brought me more happiness than I ever knew was possible. The scar tissue on his shoulder that he was so self-conscious about was one of my favorite things about him. I couldn’t wait for him to wake up because I was so excited for Dragon Breath kisses. I loved drinking our coffee together in the morning before he had to kick me out and rush to work. For almost seven months I got to have my very own Home with him.

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Watching movies with Jay and Watson

As much as I want to apologize for loving “too much” and I will admit to needing time with him, I’m not sorry at all. He made me happy when skies were grey. Unfortunately for us, they were grey a lot, and I sought out contact with him because it made me feel better. To me, it was better. To him, I brought a lot of extra stress and negativity that he already had in his life. Mistakes were made and things were said (and not said) and my Family fell apart.

I will never be sorry for wanting that family bond with someone. Because of Jay, my desire to be a wife is only strengthened. I know I’m good at that role, partially because he told me so, and also because it felt right in my heart. I felt as though a part of me that I had always known was there finally got to be expressed. I got to spend time playing house and running errands with him and plucking stray hairs from his face. But apparently it still isn’t time for me yet.

Although we aren’t “Us” anymore and we aren’t even friends, I still love him with all of my heart. I think I will for a very long time. He was a lot of firsts for me, but he was definitely the first to make me realize how much I need my own family. He gave me that hint of Forever that I want so badly. I thought it would be with him, because, in the beginning, he told me he wanted that with me too. But as circumstances changed, so did “Us.”

I’ll get my family. For now it’s just me and Twix again. I’ve got my wonderful roommates to love on and I’ll always have my amazing mom, dad, and sister who are just a few hours drive away. These people all love me more than I think I’ll ever know. I’ve got wonderful friends who are always there for me as I am for them. There’s a lot of extended Family that I want to keep close forever. Someday I’ll fall in love and never have to feel this pain again.